Dec 28, 2008

My Hero


I love my grandma Doris with all my heart. Monday, December 15th at aproximately 12:10 I was sitting at my desk at school finishing up my lunch and waiting for the bell to ring so that my students could start trickling back into class. The phone rang, and the secretary said that there was a call and asked me if I could take it. I said yes. All I remember is Bernie from Extendicare telling me that my grandma was at the hospital; she had had a stroke. My heart sank. Tears welled in my eyes, and I was shaking.

I found Jackie and told her, and then told the office I needed coverage immediately. My grandma... I had just been to her place yesterday for her Christmas party. We had sat together to watch the music of the event. I helped her open her present- a beautiful green throw blanket that she wanted to give to me. I told her she would get more use from it. Ravessa had danced for her and given her a kiss when it was time for us to leave.

My thoughts and mindset were both muddled when I entered the Emergency at our local hospital. I approached the desk and looked toward the curtains where I saw a doctor checking out my grandma. She looked so frail and weak compared to the vibrant piece of energy I had just seen yesterday. How is it possible for one to be so strong and so vulberable at the same time?

My dad met us there.... the story is long from the trip for the Cat scan in Edmonton, to the visit I had with her this morning. I visit her twice a day... except tonight. I only visited her once this afternoon. I'm exhausted.

My grandma has a personal directive, and I am the person responsible for making decisions... what a load that is to bear. I want to do right by her. She was able to speak for a few days, but on the Thursday after her stroke, she told me she was tired. I gave her permission.. if you will.. to go to sleep. She did. For days. I was sure she was dying. She has barely said a word since... until today when I had her speak "yes" to have Dad come for a visit.

Her mind is strong; her body tired. She can't swallow, and doesn't want a feeding tube. I have both the honor and the unfortunate pleasure of visiting her twice a day watching her die. She is my hero and will always be. I love her more than I can put words together to describe. This is a picture I took of her just over a year ago. I love the smile, and the connection she has with me behind the camera. I will be there for her. I will hold her hand, and every chance I get I will tell her how much I love her and that I am proud of her.